Aviva Belfer is an enhancer of possibilities. She always asks, what more can we do? She invites people to step out of their story and to see who they are. "When we buy into our stories, we close off seeing what additional possibilities are available to us." she says.
"When we believe in our thoughts, when we tell ourselves a story,
we suffer. 'My husband doesn't respect me.' 'I should be thinner.' Those are
stories. When there's no story, there's no suffering." Byron Katie
Stories are a huge part of coaching and frequently show up in
sessions. The stories you tell yourself have a profound impact on your life.
They influence how you see the world, the decisions you make and the
relationships you form.
We all have stories. They have a huge impact on the way we
experience ourselves and the world around us. The aim of personal growth
isn't to get rid of our stories ,but rather to begin noticing and questioning
them when they show up. We can notice how true they are, and whether they're
skewing the way we see and experience the world.
As coaches, we look at the stories that are serving our clients and
those that aren't. It's helpful to reframe situations and relate to the world
so that we can create stories that are more truthful and constructive to our
Stories exist to protect or preserve us. More often than not,
though, we've outgrown those reasons and no longer need the stories we're
Byron Katie offers a set of questions she calls Inquiry to get to
the root of our stories:
1.Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)
2.Can you absolutely know that it's true? (Yes or no.)
3.How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4.Who would you be without the thought?
Stories are how we make sense of the world and filling in gaps with
our own meanings is an automatic function of our minds.
We uncover the stories we tell ourselves when we learn to question
them. You can use Byron Katie's questions above for this.
Aviva shares a beautiful tradition of closing her day by looking
back over it and noticing who she's touched, to whom she has been kind,
noticing what she's accomplished, and living in a place of gratitude.
By doing this daily, you begin to notice the stories you tell
yourself about your life and your relationships and how these stories serve you.
You can watch the whole 7 minute WISH (Wisdom Share) with
Aviva Belfer at www.bev.co.il. Scroll down the page.
For more resources on creating more vitality, joy and connection inyour relationships, download my free 3-Part video series here: www.bev.co.il