Now you understand the three stage abreaction (See previous blog) and how people will feed you information in order to maintain a particular relationship.
How does this all relate to food and weight loss? This is based on an observation that so many people with weight issues have at least one feeder.
Let’s take a look at food advertising. There’s a barrage of information that’s telling us to eat more, drink more , consume more. Think for a moment about the word “consumer”. One talks about consuming information as well as food. This is very much about how one takes information in and uses it.
There’re lots of feeders out there! Some of whom feed us emotions as well as food.
You may have a relative who would always like you to eat more or a friend who comes to visit with something fattening. They’re basically trying to fatten you up. The feeder is doing this as an act of love. It’s not intended negatively.
There are TV shows which encourage us to look into the lives of the super obese. Those people who can’t get out of bed. It’s presented in a sympathetic way, but really it’s just another form of voyeurism. For all these mega obese people, there has to be someone who’s feeding them, because they’re not able to get out of bed or go to the supermarket and prepare food for themselves. Very often they have a person in their lives who feeds them. They have learned to receive love in a certain way and the feeder has learned to give love in a certain way. This behavior isn’t intended to harm the other person. This is what makes it rather challenging.
Here’s an example of a regular dinner conversation that you might find familiar.
You’ve been invited over to friends and they offer you dessert. You decide to eat one slice of chocolate cake, and then it happens:
“Won’t you have another slice? I made it especially for you.” If you refuse, they may become more indignant. If, to be polite you decide to have another slice, your relenting to them has shown them that your “no thank you” actually means “” and that’s why they treat you the way they do. They understand that all they need to do to coerce you is to apply emotional pressure.
You may even be expected to justify your choice. “Would you like another slice of cake?”
“Why are you on a diet? You don’t need to lose weight”
There’s an expectation set that says “I’ve offered you this and you are duty-bound to receive it.”, but the truth is you’re not!! They are not respecting your decisions.
This is a social/ cultural norm that tells us that when someone offers you something, you should feel obligated to take it. If it’s not taken, the person increases the pressure of the offer.
Do you maybe do this to others?
Do others decide what you should put into your body?
If you’re dieting, you decide what goes into your body.
Standing your ground can be uncomfortable, but people will begin to understand that you are in charge of your body. For some of you there’ll be some degree of fear and anxiety. I’ll discuss some of those uncomfortable emotions and what to do about them in a later blog. The idea is that you should be in a position to decide what goes into your body. Just because it doesn’t match the expectation set and they bring a lot of pressure doesn’t mean that you have to back down, and ruin your health so that the other person won’t get upset.
Saying yes to another slice of cake so that the other person doesn’t get upset, is what effects people from dieting effectively. There is a social dynamic of the role which they’ve taken on board and is a part of all of their relationships. This is one of the reasons why it’s so difficult to stick to the plan.
With all this in mind, pay close attention to adverts advertising foods and watch how they’re loading you with emotional blackmail. It works extremely well.