Disappointments Stink! Learn from them and let them go!

First teach your kids how to separate the disappointment from “who they are” by choosing how they talk about the disappointment. When your children faces a disappointment, the disappointment is just an event. The event becomes an extension of who they are when they say “I failed” or “I’m a failure”. These words create negative labels and feelings. Instead, tell your kids the event is separate from who they are. For example, if your daughter failed on a test, instead of saying, “I failed”, she can say something like, “I received an F on the test.” The first statement is a label while the second one describes an event?

Second, turn the disappointment into an opportunity to learn. Assess the situation and understand what went wrong. If your child failed a test was it because she didn’t understand the material? Did she study the wrong thing? If your son wasn’t accepted on a team was it because he didn’t play well? Was he up to the game that day? Understanding what went wrong allows your kids to learn from the disappointment and develop a plan to do better next time. Maybe they need to review the test material again. Maybe they have to put more time into training

Third, encourage your kids to “let it go”. Hanging onto the disappointment creates negative feelings and keeps kids stuck in the past. Encourage them to learn from the experience and focus on what they want to create in their future.

We all face disappointments – they’re a part of life. However, we get to choose how we think about those disappointments so they have a positive impact on our lives.